Skip to main content
"Deflate Gate" Through Middle Eastern Eyes
Umpire Carl Paganelli #124 holds a ball on the field after a play during the 2015 AFC Championship Game between the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts at Gillette Stadium on January 18, 2015 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Elsa/Getty Images)

"Deflate Gate" Through Middle Eastern Eyes

Hillel Fradkin & Lewis Libby

Recently intercepted communications from the Middle East shed new light on “Deflate Gate.” Excerpts, below:

From the Lebanese Office of Trade: “Both teams wanted to win. The Patriots thought of deflating the ball first. What are you going to do?”

From the Emir of Qatar: “Remind me—which do we own, the Patriots or the Colts?”

From the Egyptian press: “The Indianapolis Colts, losing at half-time, deflated the balls so that the Patriots would be disqualified and the Colts could play the Superbowl. Obvious, really.”

From Palestinian Hamas headquarters: “Secretary Kerry ordered deflation to distract Americans from his secret decision to allow the Jews new construction in the West Bank.”

From the former Saudi Ambassador to London: “Jews, who own all the football teams, paid referees to deflate the balls to increase attention for the Superbowl.”

From the Commander of the Iranian Revolutionary Guards: “The Saudis hide the truth: Increased Superbowl viewership means more people see TV commercials which have subliminal Jewish messaging: ‘Bomb Iran.’ If Tom Brady does not confess this, the nuclear talks are off.”

From Al Qaeda head Ayman Al Zawahiri: “Al Qaeda deflated the balls. Washington is next.”

From the Islamic State: “The Islamic State deflated the balls. Washington and Tehran are next.”

From the Taliban: “The Americans deflated these ‘pig-skins’ to insult Islam and draw attention to half-naked cheerleaders who should be whipped in their stadiums, as we do.”

From Iraqi Shia leader al Sadr: “Sunni deflated the balls so that the Shia team trainer would be blamed.”

From former Iraqi President Maliki: “What does the IRGC want me to say?”

From Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei: “Secretary Kerry told me last night, ‘War has to be the last resort.’”

From the office of the President of Kurdistan: “Does anyone realize there is a war going on?”

From Tel Aviv: “Brady either did or didn’t direct deflation of the balls. Which is better for the Jews?”

Related Articles

Trump's Syria Withdrawal Doesn't Put America First, It Puts Our Adversaries First

Blaise Misztal

President Trump promised to mount a robust defense of vital U.S. interests while bringing to an end costly foreign interventions. ...

Continue Reading

Trump's Decision in Syria

Michael Doran

In an interview In an interview on Hill TV, Michael Doran debates Trump’s decision in Syria....

Watch Now

Turkey Has Legitimate Grievances Against the U.S.

Michael Doran

Trump is right to pull back from supporting PKK-affiliated Kurds in northern Syria....

Continue Reading